I don't think that Amanda's expectations are absurd fantasies, she is a mother who, like many parents, wants her children to have a better life than she did. She does not want her children to have to suffer the way she did, choosing a charming man, marrying him, only to be abandoned with two children to raise on her own.
Amanda is more stable then first appears. She did struggle and raise her children alone, she has managed to keep a home together for them, in a time when government assistance, food stamps and welfare did not exist. Amanda is a survivor, she is smart, and resourceful. She is very brave, having to live like a widow, but with a stigma, her husband did not die, she was abandoned.
Amanda escapes the confines of her life by slipping into her memories and thinking about the days when she was a girl in Blue Mountain and was popular with lots of young gentleman seeking her hand in marriage. The reader does not know if her memories are real or imagined, I think they are real, just a little exaggerated.
Amanda's desire for her children is logical and rational. She recognizes that Tom wants to find adventure, she understands that he wants to live his own life, free from the burden of caring for his mother and sister. She makes a deal with him, find Laura a husband, then you can leave. Her desire for Laura to have a stable future is very understandable, it is quite normal for a mother to want a daughter to get married, have a family, a home of her own.
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