Ponyboy was in no condition to join the rumble, and after taking a good beating in the greasers' victory that night, he added to his problems by witnessing Johnny's death and then Dallas'. Suddenly, as Dally's friends stood above his body, "the ground rushed up to meet me very suddenly." Suffering from exhaustion, shock, a fever and a concussion, Ponyboy remained in and out of consciousness for the next day or so. When he finally awakened, Darry told him that in his delirium, he had been asking for his mom and dad--and Soda. Suddenly, he felt a wave of guilt.
Something in his tone of voice made me look at him. Mostly for Soda. Did I ask for Darry at all, or was he just saying that?... I had a sick feeling that maybe I hadn't called for him while I was delirious, maybe I had only wanted Soda.
Ponyboy felt guilty that he hadn't called out for Darry, too, and that subconsciously, perhaps he didn't really love his oldest brother.
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