In order to tackle the first question, look at how both positive and negative memories influenced Jonas' view of the community. When Jonas experiences love in the memories, he realizes that the community has no capacity for love because it is considered an obsolete feeling. When Jonas experiences war, he realizes that the games that his friends play were once real and horrific experiences, and he cannot play at something that is based on something so painful. These memories as well as many others open his eyes to the pitfalls of the community.
To answer the second question, think about examples such as when Jonas asks his family, "Do you love me?" (Chapter 16) They respond by telling him that he is not being precise with language, that "love" is a meaningless term. They instead volunteer other questions he should have asked, like "Do you enjoy me?" and "Do you take pride in my accomplishments?" Think as well about the scene where Jonas watches the release with the Giver and the emotions and realization he comes to (Chapter 19).
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